Week two million, five hundred forty-six thousand, two hundred seventy-eight (2,546,278). Or at least it seems that long. I thought, This will be great. Kids get to see their dad more, and homeschool starts later in the day. WOW! What was I thinking. Everyone’s schedule is messed up. I think I screamed for no reason so many times last week that the kids thought I was Monster Mom. I wouldn’t blame them. I thought that too. Now I am just trying to pull everything into some semblance of order.
I guess that’s the whole problem. Everything is out of order. Used to, when he was on regular day shift. Leave at five come home at five, everything was neatly ordered. He would go to work, I would get about an hour or two to meditate or write. I would get the kids up and we would have breakfast, start school, everything calm, finish school, lunch, and then errands. Now everything seems like it is in a jumbled heap in the middle of my floor, and I’m at the bottom trying to climb my way out. Words fly out of my mouth for no reason. I snap at the slightest difference, and honestly cannot find myself for a moment.
I stop, call out for help, and HE is there. I take a moment and calm down and pray with everything I have for me to return to the loved mom, the one my children claim I am best at, the one who takes everything in stride, and makes herself believe it will get better. Well, you know, it will get better, right now it’s just rough, but it will get better. I can do this, I am strong, I am MOM. . . I can do this, I am strong, I am MOM . . . I can do this, I am strong, I am MOM . . . I can do this, I am strong, I am MOM. I CAN DO THIS!! I will “Keep smiling until then.”